I promised myself I would write every night.
Does this count…
"Then, she began to breathe, and live, and every moment took her to a place where goodbyes were hard to come by. She was in love, but not in love with someone or something, she was in love with her life, and for the first time, in a long time, everything was inspiring."
- R.M. Drake
It’s been almost exactly one year since I’ve posted anything or even bothered to look at this page. This blog was always a bit pretentious and a lot self-serving. It will most likely continue to be that way.
Some things changed in my life, but, more importantly, I’ve changed. The dark parts of me are still there, but they have mostly been drown out by the brightness I have tried so desperately to fill myself with. I have days where the dark breaks the surface, though. I think it will always be there; Those occasional thoughts that pull me back into hopelessness and a sea of negativity. I’ve learned not to dwell on it so much.
I have dreams, hopes, fears, pain, and a slew of useless bullshit swimming around in my noggin. Supposedly, we all need an outlet for such things, so I’m going to force myself to throw some of that out here.
“Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.
No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.
Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.
Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?
I don’t know.”
- Paulo Coelho
blue fog. blue fog. blue fog.
Anxiety is like a demon tugging, constantly, at me trying to drag me underneath. There are only so many ways you can scream for help before you realize it’s only going to come from within. You have to be so strong to fight it, yet it weakens the soul every day.
Fight off your demons.
I’m trying, I’m trying.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
- Henry David Thoreau